DeWolfing Machine
by The Unbreakable Snape Fan
Summary: Merton and Lori think they understand Tommy's innermost feelings. But are they wrong?


De-Wolfing Machine

So, Merton had always had an overactive imagination. It wasn't his fault; it was just the way he was built. Sometimes he read into things too much, especially before he'd met Tommy. Nowadays, he was more on-the-mark than he was off it, but for certain aspects of his life as Tommy's friend...well.

Merton had started to read more and more into what he called Tommy's subconscious homosexuality. Maybe Tommy was bisexual, or maybe he just seemed to like Merton in particular, but, well, many of the people in high school had had their suspicions, least of all Brett Johnson. Merton knew; he'd been on his male cheerleading squad.

Anyway. Merton wasn't sure whether Tommy was ignorant about liking him, or just plain ignorant. He had to get a second opinion. Luckily, Lori still liked to keep in touch.

Okay, okay, so he still called Lori every night. But he wanted friendship more than a relationship now that they were out of high school, and she seemed to really like the idea of becoming better friends. Even to the point that she'd suggested being part of the theory too. Independently, of course, and pretty unexpectedly. He'd thought she'd maybe still had a thing for Tommy.

"Hey Merton, I've been thinking."

"Are these sexy thoughts? Should I write them down?"

"Come on, Merton," she rolled her eyes, but she was smiling a little. "What I've been thinking about is...do you think Tommy likes you?"

"I'd like to think so. We've had a few rough patches as roommates, but nothing a little Dingle charm couldn't solve."

"Come on, you know what I mean. Does Tommy _like_ you."

"Ohhhhhh." He sighed. "I don't know if he does," he said honestly.

"'Merton, bone me'? Who even says it that way?"

He sat straight up, remembering their run-in with Cerberus. "You caught that too?"

"Definitely. And when I wanted him to wolf out, right after I found out about him, he said you knew how to do it. And when I asked how you excited him, he thought I meant sexually and denied it, but way too much. It was really an innocent question. I didn't mean anything by it."

"Haha, methinks the werewolf doth protest too much, and all that? Well when Sloane killed me and I followed her around—" Lori made a noise of surprise. "What?"

"Sloane killed you?"

"Uh. Yeah, she had the kiss of death. I possessed her body and kissed myself back to life so she and Gil from the Syndicate—the only guy from the Syndicate now—couldn't steal Tommy's alpha powers. I practiced the possession on _your_ body, actually. I didn't know you did pottery."

"Yeah, well...ask me the next time you want to possess me, Merton, that's creepy!"

"Okay, okay. But, anyway, Sloane got Tommy to ask her to prom by saying I told her Tommy didn't like girls—which I would never suggest to anyone! Well, anyone but you. And maybe Tommy. But I need more evidence before that. And, on top of that, I don't want to die. But it worked; he reacted impulsively, just like you were saying about the wolfy thing. "

"You know, this thing is looking more and more plausible. I mean, he hasn't even dated anyone since you've been at the school, and the semester is half over. And he does touch you an awful lot. You know, you do it too, though."

"Hey, sister, I'm not against some mutual exploration of the boundaries between teen male friends. Plus, I'm easy."

Lori rolled her eyes, continuing. "You know, he never tried to go farther than kissing with me."

"Oh yeah? But you're so—"

"Ugh, don't say it."

"—hot!"

Lori sighed. "I didn't really like him that much anyway. There's something cute about him, but there's something cute about you too."

"Something cute about me? Awww!" He grinned, then shook himself. "Look, to defend Tommy's honor, he does seem to be a gentleman. So maybe it was that."

"Yeah. He did wolf out pretty quickly when I tried to turn him on."

"Oh yeah?"

"Yeah. Look, Merton, I gotta go. I have a paper to write. Talk to you later, though. Tell me if you find out anything new."

Oh, he would. He most definitely would.

* * *

Tommy and Merton lived on a co-ed floor. The rooms themselves weren't co-ed, but the floor definitely was. And practically all of the girls on it liked to flirt with Tommy. Very obviously. And Tommy would tell them he had a girlfriend, but as far as Merton knew, he didn't.

And then, one day, he did. Tommy had that dreamy look in his eye, and Merton knew what was up. "Is she cute?"

"She's really hot," he said with a small smile.

"What's her name?"

"Valerie. Valerie Simmons."

"Oh, I know who she is, I have a class with her. Nice choice!" Merton said lightly, grinning at his friend in that male bonding way. So much for his theory. But, then again...maybe he'd hold out just a little longer.

He only gave up on his theory after having to help Tommy de-wolf countless times. This would have been okay with him if it weren't for the fact he'd gotten his hopes up about Tommy's intentions with their relationship. Who didn't want a big heapin' helpin' of Thomas P. Dawkins?

* * *

"Why don't you just have sex with her already?" he blurted out once.

Tommy tensed beneath Merton's hands, which were still working on his shoulders.

"What, she doesn't want to? That tease!"

Tommy pulled away and moved over to sit on his own bed.

"Tommy?" He sighed. "Sorry. I just...you know, I'm not your de-wolfing machine."

"So you should have said something!" Tommy hissed.

Merton sighed, sprawling out on his bed. "It's just kind of a reminder of my unpopularity." He shrugged. "I've never gotten farther than the odd kiss, and here you are, coming back all wolfy every night. Who _knows_ what you've been up to."

"Look. I can't do anything. I'm, you know, a freak of nature."

"On the other hand, Lori said you didn't do anything with her, and she _knew_ about the wolf," Merton mused.

"You've been talking to Lori about my sex life?"

"What sex life?"

"Exactly!"

They were both glaring at each other now.

The phone rang. They both looked at it. Finally, Merton moved over to it. "Hello?"

"Hey, Merton."

"Look, Lori, maybe this is a bad time."

"It's a great time! Put her on speaker." Merton glanced over at Tommy, who growled. "Put her on speaker!"

Merton pushed the button with a scowl. "Well, you're on speakerphone," he informed her.

"Hi, Tommy."

"Heh heh. Hey, Lori. I think we should talk."

"Okay. About what, Tommy?"

"Ohh, I don't know...maybe about the fact you were talking about our old relationship behind my back."

"I didn't know that information was confidential."

"_Merton_ knows about my _sex life_."

"Yeah, I can see how that would be awkward."

"Hey! And anyway, she was only adding plausibility to a theory I was already looking into."

"Theory? What theory?" Tommy asked, looking from Merton to the phone.

"Um...it's terribly boring stuff. You wouldn't be interested."

"No, wait," Lori said. "He can clear it up for us once and for all, Merton."

"Lori, might I remind you that I have to _room_ with the guy?"

"Tommy, are you gay?"

Tommy paused, then sighed. "Oh _great_. Why does _everyone_ think I'm gay?"

"Maybe because you are?"

"Lori!" Merton admonished.

"Look, you're not weird. Merton likes guys too, you know."

"LORI!"

"And girls too. Look, just, you don't have to answer right away. But, you know, think about it. Okay? Have a good night, boys." She hung up.

Tommy sucked in a breath through his nose, making "the face".

"Well, I'm bushed! Nighty night!" He started getting under the covers.

"Not so fast, Merton. You think I'm gay?"

"No, not anymore. I mean, look at you, coming back all wolfy. Arousal can wolf a guy out even better than fear, confusion, or anger."

Tommy nodded. "Yeah, that's right."

"I don't know, Lori and I just sort of thought you were kind of..."

"Kind of what?"

"Kind of..."

"Merton."

"Kind of into me."

Tommy's hazel eyes were wide with shock, and he suddenly had to sit down.

"I'm really sorry! I know it was stupid, but I just had this hope, you know, that it was true."

"You hoped it was true? Why, so you could use it against me like this?"

"Uh, _no_, Tommy. So I could _date_ you. But, look, whatever."

"You'd want to do that?"

"Can we just go to sleep? Seriously. I really am kind of tired. Just forget about this stupid crush I have. I'm used to rejection, but I couldn't take not being your best friend. You're important to me, Tommy."

"Wait, you like me? You have a crush on me?"

"_Yes_, now can we just forget about it?"

Tommy nodded slowly. "Okay."

Merton relaxed. "Good night." He tried to keep signs of the lump that was forming in his throat out of his tone.

"Night, Merton." Merton fell asleep soon, but Tommy didn't.

* * *

Tommy shook Merton awake the next morning.

"Mm. What is it, Tommy?" He blinked sleep from his eyes.

"Shh." Tommy said. "Just listen. Let's go out somewhere to breakfast, okay?"

"Okay, but I'm not paying this time."

"Yeah, that's fine. Come on, get up."

Merton was yawning and picking at his pancakes when Tommy finally spoke what was on his mind. "Okay, I've been doing some thinking."

"Oh yeah? Is there any cerebral scarring? Does your head hurt when you blink?" Merton quipped.

"Of course, I could just not _tell_ you what I've been thinking about."

"No, tell me. I'm sorry, Tommy, go ahead."

"Okay." Tommy had eaten all his food already, so he had nothing to pick at besides his paper napkin. "I think I might have been a little hasty last night, denying everything. The truth is...I might like you after all. I don't know. This is new to me."

Merton's eyebrows shot up. "Come again? Did you just say you might like me back, wolf boy?"

"Yes, that's what I said," Tommy hissed, trying to get Merton to keep his voice down. Of course, if he didn't want anyone to hear, he probably should have told him in a less public place.

"What makes you think that?"

"I wasn't really into Valerie, at least, not like I should have been. Man." He rubbed at his forehead, finally making eye-contact. "Merton, I started wanting to come back and have you help me wolf down more than I wanted to have her get me all wolfy. It doesn't even make sense. I mean, she's a super hot college girl, and you're...Merton."

"Ouch."

Tommy smiled apologetically. "But that's how I started feeling. It was like I couldn't even enjoy being around her because I was anticipating getting back to the dorm. I'm not sure what it means, but I want to find out."

"You'd still pay, even if I walked out on you right now, right?"

"Merton!"

He grinned. "I'm just kidding. I'd love to help you figure out how you feel about me—provided you decide you want to be my boyfriend and we're together for the rest of our days," he joked.

Tommy shook his head, smiling. "Man, I don't know why I tell you anything."

"It's my devilishly handsome good looks and my charm."

"Yep, that must be it." Tommy rolled his eyes.


End file.
